so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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