More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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