next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
