I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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