He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
