We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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