What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I touched a dick in church today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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