i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
