Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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