just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
