It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
