Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
