My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
where am i from again
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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