he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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