my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
