Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
