Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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