ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
