then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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