just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
