If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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