do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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