My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
