Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
