So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
