I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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