She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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