Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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