I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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