just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
