Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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