omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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