I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
