I look better un-naked...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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