I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
