There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
