Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
