Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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