I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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