can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
