Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
