i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
