So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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