Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
