did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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