I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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