Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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