you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
