youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
