When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
