I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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