i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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