She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
