My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
