You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize