Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
