Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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