I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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