I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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