Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
