Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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