but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
