Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
